Tis the season to get wankered! Ah yes St. Patrick’s Day, the day when we proud Irish men and women venerate an agnostic English man who said “Out te fuck ye slithering bastards”! And while most of my country men will mark this occasion by getting rubbered, I choose to celebrate it by twisting it into an excuse to talk about video games. With that said here are 5 of The Worst Irish Video Game Characters Ever.
Colin Moriarty – Fallout 3
Colin Moriarty is probably the best of this bad bunch as the character doesn’t so much offend as he does annoy. He owns a bar but by some miracle he isn’t a drunken arse-hole, the most offensive thing he does is piss in his distillery but that’s more a character defect than an offensive stereotype. And while Mike Rosson can’t really decide if he wants to be from the North or the South of Ireland he’s trying his best which is more than can be said for the rest on this list.(His face just screams trust me!)
Sean Devlin – The Saboteur
Remember The Saboteur? The mediocre open world game set in occupied France during World War II? No? Probably for the best really as it had very little that made it stand out from other, better open world games at the time. In fact the only reason it sticks in my mind is because of the offensively bad Irish accent delivered by Robin Atkin Downes who, presumably, concocted his accent by watching a worn out copy of Father Ted that was stuck on fast forward through the window of his next door neighbour. And if that wasn’t enough to sour you on Sean, he’s also a drunken bomb expert…….(“Do I love drinking or fighting more?”)
Aiden Pearce – Watch Dogs
Aiden Pearce is a Belfast born boy who just so happens to be an unapologetic thief/ murderer and because of his thieving bastard ways he gets his niece killed. But afterwards he has a change of heart and begins to repent. Just kidding he continues to lie, cheat and steal, all while continuing to endanger his remaining family. While all of this is awful, at least they didn’t make him do an Irish accent.(“Infanticide is the risk you take when you don a sweet coat!”)
Who doesn’t love Tekken, this 30 year old (almost) fighting series is the epitome of cathartic fun. Pick your favourite character and beat the piss out of your friends, even if that character happens to be an evil Irish assassin hell bent on ill-defined revenge. Why is it all the Irish characters are ether drunks or murderers? Is that what video game devs think we do? I’ll have you know we stopped our civil war in the 90’s!(Gives new meaning to the phrase “Fighting Irish”.)
Irish – Red Dead Redemption
I’ve never hid the fact that I’m not a fan of the Red Dead series, I find them dull games with gameplay that prioritises realism over fun but I have always praised their characters. They are all well written, flawed yet relatable, with perhaps one exception, can you guess which? That’s right Irish! I mean what the fuck Rockstar? It’s one thing not to hire an Irish person to play your Irish character, Hell, even someone who could do a passible accent would have been grand, but you couldn’t even be bothered to give him a real name? Any other name would have been better you morons! It felt like a huge middle finger to the Irish people, by naming him Irish you essentially say “this is what we think of when we imagine the Irish”!
Well, those were Gerard’s choices for 5 of The Worst Irish Video Game Characters Ever, can you think of any that should’ve made the list or just disagree? Let us know in the comments below, don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Facebook and subscribe to our YouTube channel and if you’re feeling generous feel free to donate to our Patreon, thanks for reading.