We’ve talked in a previous list about games that have saved their respective franchises, but what about when the opposite happens? What if a video game is such an awful pile of fucked shite that to even associate them with their predecessors would be like pissing in the face of Santa Claus while clumsily attempting to flirt with Mrs Claus. Well for starters, you’ll end up in a blog post written by a whiney 30’s something nerd. But you will also run the risk of dooming your franchise and having your DNA expunged from the earth by some kind of government video game hit squad (they totally have those). Here are five such games!
Final Fantasy XIII
Regular readers, and Square Enix executives whose email addresses I have acquired will not be shocked by this first entry, as my love for this particular series borders on the weirdly obsessive. But by Christ was that love put to the test when Square Enix shat out Final Fantasy XIII, this game was bad across the board. Bad writing, awful characters, forgettable villains, a fuck awful combat system that was more like a battle of fucking attrition than a test of any real skill and a protagonist that was more unwelcome than an erection at a funeral. But hey, I can forgive a bad game, we all make mistakes, but what really spelunks my anal cavity is that this crusted goat shit got two sequels, each more balls than the last.
Mass Effect: Andromeda
I’m sure there is not one among you who is shocked to see Mass Effect Andromeda on this list. As the latest instalment in a beloved Sci-Fi series and the first game starring an all new protagonist Andromeda was bound to attract it’s share of detractors. But to create a game so bad that even the series’ most die-hard fans hated it is something truly special. This game was so bug filled and broken when it first launched that it became infamous within hours, and even if you could get passed the bugs and glitches you still had the hilariously shite animation to contend with. But even if judged by the state the game is in now after numerous patches and updates, it is still a bland, poorly written third person shooter, with none of the charm or interesting characters we’ve come to expect from the series.
Resident Evil 5 & 6
It has become clear that the chimps over at Capcom honestly don’t have a fucking clue what they are doing. Fresh off the success of Resident Evil 4 (one of the greatest games ever) Capcom inexplicably decided, “success and critical acclaim is great and all, but what if we did the opposite?” (an actual quote from one of their executives). In a bid to appeal to a wider audience and homogenise their games as much as humanly possible Capcom left survival horror behind and embraced the sweaty cheese scented genre of co-op shooters. Yes, the once terrifying undead became nothing more than cannon fodder, no longer something to fear but merely something to train you for the multiplayer.
(Bring this mad bastard back!)
Sonic The Hedgehog (2006)
Claiming that Sonic 2006 almost destroyed its franchise is difficult, not because it’s not bad, it is, it’s absolute garbage. No, the difficulty stems from the fact that the quality of Sonic games goes up and down like an epileptic fiddler’s elbow. So, claiming that one is any worthier of scorn is unfair, but it’s my list and I hate this game. I have mentioned Sonic 2006 before, but my main criticism then was about the deviant bestiality on display. But we also have to remember that Sonic The Hedgehog (2006) is shite from a gameplay perspective as well. It is a poorly written, bug/glitch ladened mess, with a ridiculously dark story and gameplay so boring you’d gleam more enjoyment from trimming your nails. There have been worse games since then of course, but this one sticks out because it is closer in time to the good ones.
(“Gotta go fast…because the police are coming!”)
Aliens: Colonial Marines
Ah Aliens: Colonial Marines, a game so bad that it “received unanimously negative reviews from critics and fans alike” do you know how fucking terrible your game would have to be to get all video game nerds to agree on something? I’m pretty sure that’s one of the apocalyptic omens written in revelations, way to kick start the end of the world GearBox you shady fucking hacks! But seriously, Aliens: Colonial Marines was a shit show from start to finish, graphically unimpressive, bugs around every corner (and not the cool alien kind), unbalanced gameplay and an A.I system whose parents are at least first cousins. And if that wasn’t enough to convince you that it’s the video game equivalent of a semen flavoured lolly, it also managed to be so bad that a class action lawsuit was filed.
(“Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my ragtime gal!”)
Well, those are 5 Video Games That Almost Destroyed Their Franchises, can you think of any that should’ve made the list or just disagree? Let us know in the comments below, don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Facebook and subscribe to our YouTube channel and if you’re feeling generous feel free to donate to our Patreon, thanks for reading.
