5 Video Games Bosses Who Kicked Our Asses First Time


Video game bosses are meant to be a test of skill, a test of all we have learnt in the game up to that point, but there are of course certain bosses who blindside us with their bastard hard difficulty that no non-Japanese person could have been prepared for first time around.

1. Seymour Guado (Mt. Gagazet) FFX

Seymour was already a cock smuggler in my book before he pulled this bullshit, he had killed his father, died, stole my woman, died again and then came back to kill all the Ronso (the bastard). The reason the boss battle is so tough is not only is his defence and attack high, but he causes the zombie status ailments and then insta kills characters with healing spells. He also banishes aeons after one move making summoning useless, what a prick.


(Smug Dick!)

2. Shadow Kanji – Persona 4

Persona 4 had a range of tough battles, but Shadow Kanjis was a particular arse waffle, he had strong attacks that wiped out almost all your health leaving you to heal and unable to lower his health. He was also accompanied by two burly semi naked muscle men, who buffed his stats making the fight even harder.


3. Sephiroth – Kingdom Hearts

Apparently Sephiroth wasn’t content with just being a cock in Final Fantasy VII, oh no, he decided to come over to Kingdom Hearts as an optional boss in the colosseum. The first time I fought him I was woefully under levelled and under prepared. In fact this fight was such a bugger, that Sephiroth being the cheating Jenova-fucker that he is, doesn’t begin to lose health until you hit him a certain number of times. Bastard!!

kh-sephiroth-n-for-nerds 4. Ornstein & Smough – Dark Souls

Yes it’s hard to believe that you can narrow down a toughest boss battle in something as unforgiving as Dark Souls, but here we are. Ornstein & Smough aren’t especially difficult separately, but the sick fucks at FromSoftware apparently can’t get off unless they can picture the tear stained, frustrated faces of gamers around the world. And if you think you can concentrate on one and then finish off the other once he’s dead, think again, the remaining one only becomes more powerful. Who hurt you FromSoftware?


5. Penance – Final Fantasy X

By far one of the most difficult enemies in the Final Fantasy Series, he boasts a staggering 12,000,000 health points and all his stats are maxed out. But not only is this piece of bovine arse candy the hardest boss in the game, in order to unlock him you first have to destroy all eight of the dark aeons (the eight other toughest bosses in the game), this bastard can fuck right off!


(Fuck Thee!)

Well those are our toughest bosses, think we missed any? Or just disagree? Leave a comment down below.

Typical nerd. Love comic books, video games and movies. My all-time favourite video games are the Final Fantasy series, my favourite Superhero is Superman but I prefer Marvel Comics. Controversial? I don't care!

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