Ah Valentines Day, a day where we celebrate the violent death of the patron saint of beekeepers, plagues and epilepsy…oh and love too, I guess. Yes, love is in the air, birds are singing, the sun is shining and it’s only a day away from discount chocolate, the real reason we all love Valentines Day, but while we wait for that delicious day to arrive I suppose we better acknowledge romance. But everyone always talks about the great romances, or their favourite romances, but that’s no fun to take the piss out of, nope, it’s far more fun to talk about cringe inducing romance, with that, here are 5 of The Weirdest Video Game Romances Ever.
Mario & Peach (Mario Games)
I’ll start things off with an obvious one, Princess Peach and Mario. This is one of the more stupid romances in video games, as despite the fact Mario has rescued her countless times, saving both her life and her kingdom, all while risking his own life in the process, they never really get together. Peach just kind of drifts through her parasitic existence oblivious, waiting for the next thrilling kidnapping and just expects to be rescued, and poor old Mario doesn’t even get a cake never mind getting the girl.
Wander & Mono (Shadow of the Colossus)
I’ve been replaying Shadow of the Colossus since the remaster has come out and while it is an awesome game, it has one of the more morbid romances in video games. So, Wander’s missus has come down with a case of plot device and has died off screen, so rather than burying her, grieving and eventually moving on, Wander (genius that he is) decides to make a pact with the devil to bring her back, and all he has to do is murder 16 behemoths and die. I get that love conquers all, but fuck sakes Wander, try Tinder.
Raiden & Rose (Metal Gear Solid 2)
Have you ever been in the company of two awkward teenagers that are sort of dating but it’s both their first relationship and neither one of them knows how to be a couple? Well, add to that the classic angst of Japanese anime and the bat-shit insanity of Hideo Kojima and you will get Raiden & Rose’s relationship from Metal Gear Solid 2. Rose is mental, she actually calls you up in the middle of a stealth mission to moan about you forgetting your anniversary, or the day you met or even just to chat about your background, piss off Rose I’m being shot at!! Also, she might not be real.
Joker & Edi (Mass Effect 3)
Joker and Edi are two of my favourite characters from the Mass Effect games, and watching their relationship go from outright hostility to a grudging respect and then to friendship was awesome, it was well developed and well written, but then suddenly Edi gets a female body and it’s romantic subplot time. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to see Joker on the dating scene but dating a robot A.I? That’s how you get a reputation.
Sonic & Princess Elise (Sonic The Hedgehog 2006)
In a Sonic game where a horrific terrorist attack by Dr Robotnik (it’s not fucking Eggman) and the death of the main character come 2nd and 3rd for most disturbing, it is easy to see why Sonic The Hedgehog (2006) made this list. This is by far the weirdest video game romance ever, and it’s also the reason I can’t take Sonic fans seriously anymore, as the vast majority tend to defend it, but honestly, what the fuck were Sonic team smoking when they thought that a romance between a teenage girl and an anthropomorphised hedgehog with a penchant for chilli dogs was a good idea? I don’t even need to justify this entry, I’m just going to let this sentence hang there “a romance between a teenage girl and an anthropomorphised hedgehog”.
Well, those are the 5 of The Weirdest Video Game Romances Ever, can you think of any that should’ve made the list or just disagree? Let us know in the comments below, don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Facebook and subscribe to our YouTube channel and if you’re feeling generous feel free to donate to our Patreon, thanks for reading.
