Regular readers will, by now, have realised that I am a massive Superman fan, he is my favourite superhero and I love him in all his incarnations, well, except for Superman 64, but we don’t talk about Superman 64. But just because he’s my favourite doesn’t mean I won’t rip on him for having stupid powers and no, I’m not just talking about super speed reading, here are Superman’s 5 weirdest powers.
Super-Weaving
Being the Man of Steel must take its toll, so obviously Superman needs a hobby to relax and what better way to relieve stress than weaving, it’s both relaxing and therapeutic. But it seems he can’t have a hobby without it turning into a fucking super power, yes, the big blue boy scout once had the ability to “Super -Weave”, apparently Ma Kent wanted him to have a trade in case being a Jesus allegory didn’t pan out.
Super-Broadcasting
It would appear that in the silver age of comics, writers would just fling any old shit at the wall to see what stuck, hence, “Super-Broadcasting”, Superman would use his “deus ex super powers” to broadcast his voice via radio waves. It may seem stupid…well…stupider, now that we have mobile phones and twitter, but before that technology was available how else was the last son of Krypton supposed to contact law enforcement, from a phone box where he already changes clothes? Don’t be ridiculous.
Super-Kiss
Handsome, smart, strong and the most over powered mother fucker around, Kal-El of Krypton has it all, but apparently that wasn’t enough for comic book writers or Hollywood for that matter, and so Superman was given the ability to wipe people’s minds with a kiss. It’s never really explained why, or how he can do this, but the writers must of thought if we were fine with a flying alien with heat vision, we’d be willing to suspend disbelief at a roofy kiss.
Super-Ventriloquism
Okay this one is really stupid, but I’m sure it was only used once, right? Right?!? Unfortunately no, Superman’s Super-Ventriloquism was a regular in the silver age of comics, instead of punching his enemies into space or running really fast at them and grabbing them and taking them to jail, the writers thought it would be more fun to watch “Superman” trick bad guys by throwing his voice and hoping that they give up, for some reason.
Super-Hand- Midgets
Yes, you read that correctly, Super-hand- midgets, in my opinion one of the most ridiculously stupid powers that the man of steel has ever possessed, worse than time traveling by spinning the earth backwards and worse than his “Super Make-up” (yes that’s a thing). Superman once lost all of his powers (except invulnerability) and was left with the ability to fire miniature versions of himself from his hands, but unlike Supes they had all of his powers, leaving superman to become a jealous dick.
Well that’s our list of Superman’s 5 Weirdest Powers, do you think we missed any or just disagree, let us know in the comments below and don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch our Let’s Play series.
